Empty World
by MadamRouge2
Summary: I searched into those green eyes of hers. They told me all I needed to know. "I promise."


Then did I check the tears of useless passion –

Weaned my young soul from yearning after thine;

Sternly denied its burning wish to hasten

Down to that tomb already more than mine.

And, even yet, I dare not languish,

Dare not indulge in memory's rapturous pain;

Once drinking deep of that divinest anguish,

How could I seek the empty world again?

- Emily Bronte

It had been over fifteen years ago when I had last visited this place. Fifteen years. How did the years slip by that fast? But it wasn't just that, the years had slipped by without me even noticing. Every day had seemed as bland as the next.

The snow crunched loudly as I kept walking to the furthest end of this small town. The town was covered in stupid Muggle decorations for Christmas. Silly lights that hung over their houses with a tree nearby that looked as if it caught its death with the amount of decorations the Muggles had put on it.

Snow was falling softly down onto the Earth making a whispering sound. As I neared the gravy-yard it almost seemed as if the whispers were coming from the dead themselves.

I walked into the gravy-yard slowly, not letting myself make even a sound. Though it had been over fifteen years I still knew the exact place where her body lay. But it could hardly be called a body now. The woman who I loved was reduced to just a pile of bones. That was why I didn't come here in so long. There was no point in mourning over a hole in the ground filled with dead bones. Lily was gone to a place that I couldn't find.

The grave was covered in the whitest snow, which was fitting somehow. Kneeling down on the hard, frozen ground beside the grave, I finally remember why I had never came here in so long.

I had always prided myself in being control of my feelings and emotions, but as I kneeled here a pain shot through my chest that I couldn't block out of my mind. Tears had begun to fall down my face…

A whisper, that belonged to something else then the snow, suddenly shot through the air.

Startled, I jumped back up to my feet and hastily turned to face the direction of where the whisper came from, and pulled my wand out of my pocket. The voice that I heard came from a clamp of trees in the corner. Cautiously, I approached the trees. My heart was beating rather louder than normal. As I neared the trees I saw that there was nobody there, nor anywhere nearby. I should have been grateful that no one was near, in case it was a Death Eater or someone willing to give information to The Dark Lord, but instead I felt disappointment wash through me. Furiously, I stowed my wand away.

Why was I so disappointed? I should be feeling lucky that the whisper _was_ only my imagination. But disappointment still washed over me; and I knew why. When I had heard the whisper my mind had instantly saw a flash of red hair and green eyes beside it. Madness! Why did I jump to that conclusion? There was no possible way it could have happened.

It wasn't possible…

**************************************************************

"Severus?"

It was very nearly amazing how her just saying my name always drove me to smile slightly. It was odd her just one word could have such an effect on me…

"Yeah?"

"What happens when you die?" Lily straightened up as she asked the question, her eyes intense as she stared right into my own eyes.

This wasn't a particular question I liked to answer as I knew it was a sore spot for Lily because her Father died recently, and besides, how was I suppose to know? If I did know the answer I would be a millionaire.

"Why do you want to know?" I replied cautiously.

"Well…" Lily hesitated before continuing, "It has just been something nagging me for a while since… you know." She still couldn't bring herself to say that her Father had died.

"What makes you think I hold all the answers?" I probably should have phrased this a little kinder, in a more sensitive manner, but this was a topic I was weary about talking about since Lily was still so sensitive about it.

"You know more about the Wizarding World then I do! And since there are ghosts and stuff at Hogwarts I thought you might know something about it," Lily eye's gazed imploring up at me, begging me to give her all that I know. Knowing that I shouldn't, I gave in to Lily.

"Wizards know no more then Muggles do," I finally answered.

Lily's face fell. "But what about ghosts?" she asked.

"They chose to stay behind on Earth. No one knows what happens to those who want to move on." I looked determinedly away from Lily because I could already picture the sad look on her face now.

An uneasy silence came between us. I wanted to say something to break the quietness, and to cheer up Lily, but nothing to say came to my mind.

Lily was struggling to be happy again, trying to think of something that could make us both laugh, but her own sadness over-came any thought. I knew I shouldn't have talked about this with Lily.

"Who do you think which one of us will be the first to die?"

I turned to look over at Lily. She was staring unto the distance away from me. This question wasn't something I was willing to answer either. Why was Lily so set on depressing herself today?

When I didn't answer, Lily twisted herself back towards me and looked at me directly in the eye. "Well?" she prompted.

"How am I suppose to know?" I answered awkwardly. "You're the one you kept on Divination, so why don't you gaze into a crystal ball and find out?"

Lily whacked me lightly on the shoulder. "Don't be so sarcastic," she said, reprimanding me. "I'm perfectly serious."

"So am I. We'll never know until it actually happens."

Lily's expression turned thoughtful. "That's what I thought too," she murmured.

"Then why are you bothering to ask?" I demanded.

Lily didn't reply for a moment. She seemed to be thinking something over. "You know," she eventually began, "I had this odd dream a few nights ago."

"Really, Lily, you shouldn't base anything on 'odd' dreams you have," I said, trying to make her see logic. This dream was probably why she was asking me so many questions now.

"I know that, Sev, I do. But it's just that this dream made me feel so upset," Lily was gazing steadily down on the ground sadly.

I wanted to be able to comfort her in some way. To make Lily feel happy, but I couldn't. I didn't say anything at all.

"I had died in the dream," Lily said using a melancholy tone.

I sighed exasperatedly. "Lily, don't get all sad that you died in a dream. It was just a dream – nothing more."

Raising her head to gaze again at me, Lily let out a small sob. "That's not it! In the dream you were there! And when I died you were left all alone! I saw you just standing by my grave with no one there beside you, and I felt -"

Lily broke of her sentence, unable to speak even another word with the tears that were now forming a waterfall down her cheeks.

"Don't Lily, don't," I said, leaning forward slightly towards her, unable to stand any more tears. I took her hands and gripped them tightly in my own, forcing her to look up at me. "It was just a dream," I said calmly, yet forcibly so she would calm down. "You didn't die, and I'm not left all alone, understand? You're fine."

Lily's tears came to halt as she watched me. "OK," she managed to say.

I had let go of her hands when she suddenly grabbed my hands again and brought me even closer to her. "Listen, Sev, I'll make a promise with you."

I opened my mouth to protest, but Lily swiftly but placed her finger against my lips to shush me. "Listen!" she whispered to me fiercely.

"If I die tomorrow, or any day after, I promise you that I won't leave you all alone." She stated solemnly.

"Lily -" I began meekly, but she shushed me again.

"No, I promise! I will never leave you alone like I did in my dream. Never. I'll haunt you if I have to. But you must promise that same for me!"

For a second I searched into those green eyes of hers. They told me all I needed to know.

"I promise."

****************************************************

It was twenty-three years later after we had both vowed to never leave each other even in the absence of death, and still Lily had never fully appeared to me. Yet…

There were times when I swore I saw her. But she was like a shadow bent on tormenting and punishing me for the crimes I did to her. Every time I thought I saw her and turned eagerly to see if I could see her fully she disappeared. Lily was intent – I'm sure – in driving me to madness with having her in my sight, but never actually seeing her.

That was my secret.

No one would ever know or realise how much I was going mad. And I would never tell anyone either. At times I would also try to ignore it, and focus solely on reality, because after trying in vain to find her how could I seek the empty world again?


End file.
